| Some days my life seems like something out of a made-for-TV
movie. Here I am again, checked into yet another no-tell motel that would
shock poor Mom, if she hadn’t lost her ability to be shocked. Somewhere
in between losing all the male members of her family and running for her
life, the shocking became mundane for her. I don’t really think that the
sweepers will have a harder time finding me in places like the Hotel LaSalle
than they would in the Hilton or the Embassy Suites, but the plain fact
is, I can’t afford nice places. My budget only runs to “squalid” these
days.
I could get the money easily enough in this brave new
world of computerized transfers and e-commerce, but I don’t like stealing.
If I can drain the Centre I do it; I consider it a down payment on the
price I will exact some day for what they did to us. Everywhere else is
off-limits. Simple as it would be, I can't bring myself to rob innocent
parties just so I can have little luxuries like clean sheets and a toilet
seat that’s sanitized for my protection. When you live in twilight, sometimes
it's hard to distinguish between the shades of gray, but I do the best
I can. Mom may have raised a vigilante, but she didn't raise a thief.
I toss my stuff on a bedspread that might have been stylish
when Nixon was still considered an asset to the GOP and sigh. The room
smells like dust and mildew and illicit activity. I close my eyes and miss
my mother.
Things were so much easier when we thought they were all
dead. We had managed to drop off the earth with a fair amount of success.
We had spent years living in a nice little town under assumed names, and
I had a childhood so average it looked like a sitcom, as long as no one
looked too closely.
When Mom had noticed me showing the same early signs of
genius that Jarod and Kyle had, she knew she had to take action. Some of
my earliest memories are of being told never, never to let anyone besides
Mommy and Daddy know that I could already read, add, or understand things
at a much higher level than I should have been able to. I rarely spoke
around strangers, and when I did I used exaggerated baby talk. I think
my pediatrician was a little concerned about my slow development. They
were happy to let him worry.
Then came the rescue attempt. They were trying not to
scare me, but I had already discovered the sound-carrying capabilities
of air ducts, and I knew what was going on. Daddy was going to the bad
place to rescue my big brothers. I remember lying on my tummy on the floor
of my room the night before, pressing my ear to the vent and straining
to hear what was going on. What I heard was the scariest sound in my life:
my mommy was crying.
“What if something goes wrong, Charles?” she had sobbed.
“I don’t think I could bear to lose you, too.”
“I know, Meg, I know,” he had said, so low I could barely
hear. “I’m scared, too. But I have to try. This is our best chance to get
them back. Our sons, Meg, our little boys. God knows what those people
have been doing to them. You heard what Catherine Parker said.”
“I know. And I know we have to take that chance. But promise
me—” she choked off a sob. “Promise not to leave us, Charles. You and Emily
are all I have left now.”
“I promise, Meggie. I’ll do all I can. You know the meeting
place. I’ll be there in two weeks with our boys.”
“And if you’re not?” My mother’s voice had been little
more than a whisper.
“Then you take Emmy and the emergency fund and disappear.
Don’t try to find us, Meg. If this doesn’t work I doubt we’ll be anywhere
where we can be found.”
I hadn’t wanted to hear any more. I had crawled into my
bed and as I had tightly clutched my Pooh bear in one arm and my Paddington
bear in the other, I tried to pretend that we were like the families on
TV. In my fantasy, my big brothers were asleep in the next room and my
Daddy didn’t have to carry a gun. We had the same last name all the time,
and I never had to worry about forgetting what we were being called this
week. I had drifted off to sleep deciding that we would have two dogs and
three cats and their names would be Jarod, Kyle, Mr. Tinky, Stripey and
Democrat. I didn’t know what “democrat” meant, but I had read it in one
of Daddy’s magazines; I thought it sounded grown up and important. I had
a vague impression that it was something like an actor.
In the morning my daddy had come into my room while I
was still asleep and picked me up and carried me to his big rocking chair,
and he had held me and sung to me like he did when I was a little baby.
Then he read me my favorite story. It was about a princess whose brothers
had been stolen and turned into swans. She had saved them by weaving coats
out of nettles, even though she had to live all alone in a cave and the
nettles had stickers on them and they hurt her hands. Then he hugged me
so tight it was hard to breathe. I felt him crying on my neck a little.
“I love you, Emmy,” he whispered. “I’ll always love my
baby girl.”
“I love you too Daddy,” I had said. “And Daddy?”
“Yes, baby?”
“If you don’t get my brothers back today I promise I’ll
rescue them when I get bigger,” I said. “Just like the princess in the
story.”
He made a sound that could have been a laugh or a sob.
“I know, baby, I know.”
Those were the last words he ever said to me.
Two weeks later we had gone to the meeting place to meet
Daddy and the boys. We waited for three days, and with each one Mom got
more and more tense and I got more and more scared. On the morning of the
fourth day, a priest showed up at the door. Mom had told me to go to my
room but I hid behind the door so I could hear what they were saying.
The rescue had been a disaster. Catherine Parker was dead,
shot in the back. Centre security was on highest alert. And while speeding
along King's Highway away from Blue Cove, a small car had been run off
the road into a ravine, where the gas tank had exploded. The car had stolen
plates and the police had so far been unable to identify the three charred
bodies found inside.
The bodies of a man and two small boys.
When Mom came to get me she wasn’t crying, but she looked
smaller, somehow, white and tired. When she picked me up her hands were
icy cold.
The priest helped us hide. For three years after that
day we lived in churches and convents, with nuns and clergy. The massive
organized structure of the Catholic Church was our Underground Railroad.
We went by so many different names that I couldn’t remember which one was
really ours. We passed the time reading and talking. Mom was worried about
sending me to school, so she taught me herself. In some places she would
ask the people who were helping us to teach me.
I learned Spanish when we lived in Miami, pure French
and Cajun when we were in New Orleans, and German in Pennsylvania. Everywhere
we went the priests would tutor me in Latin. Once—I forget where we were
living then—a community of Indians taught me the rudiments of Urdu and
Hindostani.
When I was six we finally decided to settle down somewhere.
We found a little town in rural Colorado and stayed there for nearly nine
months before Mom saw a group of men in suits getting out of a Town Car
downtown. We were gone the next day.
Eventually we got a little less skittish. By this time
I was old enough to start school, and Mom knew that if she wanted to live
anywhere for very long we’d have to enroll me. She was terrified to put
me in school. It’s understandable; it wasn’t until after Jarod’s teachers
had identified him as a genius that he had been taken. We had been successful
at hiding my precociousness until then, but she was worried that I would
let it slip. Finally, when I was seven, she decided to enroll me in first
grade. The week before school started, she sat me down for a serious talk.
Mom had kept me entertained and quiet during the long
hours of hiding and running by teaching me, drawing from her extensive
reading as well as her school years. I had rarely played with other children,
but I was intimately acquainted with my books and language tapes. In the
years since we went underground, I had learned to speak four or five languages.
I had done self-study math up to algebra, and I could read just about anything
I wanted. My favorite author then was Jules Verne. All in all, I was not
your average first-grader.
Mom told me that once I started school it would be very
important not to let my teachers know how much I already knew. She told
me that if I let them find out, they would try to put me in the special
classes, and then the Centre would take me like they had my brothers. So
I had to pretend not to know the things I knew. We spent that week practicing.
Mom had gotten copies of the curriculum of the first grade at Aaron Burr
Elementary in Johnsonville, Tennessee, and we practiced the things I would
need to know: making pronunciation mistakes while reading aloud, writing
with the uncertainty of someone who had been doing it for months instead
of years, making computational errors while adding and subtracting, never
using “big words” at school. Mom told me to pick out the fourth smartest
person in my class, and try to do things like they did.
And so I started school with one goal: unobtrusiveness.
Mom’s advice had been good; by modeling myself after the fourth smartest
person in my class, I was passed over for both gifted classes and remedial
ones. I led a strange life, as a child. We moved every year or two, afraid
that staying too long in one place would be tempting fate. At school I
honed my skills at feigning normalcy. I was utterly bored by all my classwork,
so I amused myself by making a game of it. Whenever we were given tests
I would set a goal for myself, a specific score that I wanted, and try
to see if I could get it. I purposefully scored in the eighty-seventh percentile
of every standardized test of every school I attended. I worked at being
well-liked but not wildly popular; I was involved in a few activities but
not too many. I was proud of my ability to be extraordinarily average.
At home, things were completely different. After being
bored to death all day in school, I craved something interesting to do.
I threw myself into advanced studies. Eventually I had exhausted my mother’s
resources. There was nothing left for her to teach me. For nearly six months
I moped around the house, driving Mom crazy, until she got a brochure in
the mail for correspondence courses through a local university.
Mom registered for the courses and I took them. By the
time I started high school, I was halfway to a bachelor’s degree. I was
excited about high school, mostly because Mom had promised me that we could
stay in the same town for all four years. I would finally have the chance
to stay at one school for the duration. We had decided that with a lifetime
of high-normal academic achievement behind me I should be safe letting
go a little more in high school. I had permission to be an honor student,
to gradually improve until I was competitive for college scholarships and
academic awards. I decided that I would be third in my senior class; high
enough to look good, but not enough to have to draw attention to myself
by making a speech.
For once in our lives, things went as planned. I was closer
to normal in those years than I had ever been before. I started to do more
out-of-class activities, to have more friends my own age. I took all four
years of high school to finish my correspondence degree. I was happy with
my life, on the whole, though it was lonely. I still missed my father,
and, as strange as it might seem, my brothers too. Even though I had never
met them, Mom had made them real to me. She told me all the stories she
could remember about them. We kept their pictures prominently displayed
in her bedroom. I had a locket with places for four pictures; it had Mom,
Daddy, Jarod, and Kyle. We celebrated each family member’s birthday as
if it were a regular holiday; I remember every year we would go shopping
together in January and buy a calendar on sale, and take it home and write
the important dates with a fat red marker: Mom’s Day, Daddy’s Day, Jarod’s
Day, Kyle’s Day, and Emily’s Day. On my day and Mom’s Day we would just
have a party or a fancy dinner, but on each of the others we had a special
ritual. I would go straight home from school and we would go to church
and light a candle for each of them, and then go to the park and tell our
memories about them. Then we would go home and eat the favorite meal of
whomever’s day it was. On Daddy’s Day we had pot roast; on Jarod’s Day
we had chicken and mashed potatoes; on Kyle’s Day we had spaghetti and
meatballs.
Our lives were, if not entirely happy, at least peaceful.
It seemed we had finally escaped the sweepers, or they had lost interest
in us. We lived from day to day stepping around the hole in our family.
It was rare that we fell in, but Mom fell hard on her twenty-fifth wedding
anniversary. I came into her room and found her crumpled on the floor.
I’ve seen a lot of things, but nothing that frightened me more than that.
For an eternal ten seconds I thought she was dead. Then I heard her whisper
Daddy’s name. She didn’t know I was there, and I stood in the doorway torn
between my desire to comfort her and my paralyzing fear of her grief. Ever
since we heard about the explosion, Mom had been careful not to let me
see her break down. I mean, sure we had cried together a million times,
but never anything like this. It terrified me. And that night while my
mother mourned alone I renewed the last promise I had made my father. I
couldn’t rescue my brothers, but I could make the Centre pay. I could make
sure that no other family ever had to endure the horrors we had. From that
night forward I did everything with an eye toward my goal, and nothing
could move my heart from its cold purpose.
After graduation we moved again, to Georgia this time.
I had won a scholarship to Georgia Tech, and even though Mom was leery
of straying so close to Nugenesis, we decided it was worth the risk. I
already had a political science degree through my correspondence course,
but to take on the Centre I needed technological skills, and Tech was on
the cutting edge. I got my first BS degree there, in Electrical Engineering.
After that I hopped from one university to another, doing increasingly
technical work. I got a MS in Mechanical Engineering and a doctorate in
Computer Science. I finished quickly; there was no longer any reason to
hide. I had been Emily Pennington for nearly seven years now, and
had seen no signs of sweepers or sinister sedans trailing me on the street.
I spent my college years well. Despite what I knew my
mother hoped, I hadn’t given up on my vow. After class and on weekends
I spent countless hours training my body as intensely as my mind. I took
classes in martial arts, kickboxing, various forms of self-defense; I trained
myself for strength, endurance, and flexibility. I bought myself a gun
and started going to the shooting range. Men used to come on to me at the
range, but if they got annoying I’d just take out the groin area of the
target against the far wall and smile sweetly. They always walked funny
on their way out the door.
After I got the Ph.D. I knew that the things I had left
to learn weren’t taught at any universities. It was time to go underground
for a while. I sent my mom to a new town where she would be safe, and made
arrangements to allow us to contact each other. I had a refuge of my own
lined up. When my preparations were complete, Emily Pennington disappeared
off the face of the earth.
After that, I never kept a name long enough to get used
to it. I adopted a code name—“The Yellow Tulip,” after my favorite flower.
It was cheesy and melodramatic, but effective. My new mission was to gather
contacts and information: anything that could help me bring the Centre
down. I had plenty of skills that were marketable in my new world of shadows.
I never found out for sure—I didn’t want to find out for sure—but I think
that I set up a state-of-the-art network system for the Mafia. They paid
well, and taught me some very useful skills, as well as giving me a chance
to brush up my Italian. Most of my jobs were on the barter system, though.
Teach me to break into a building without leaving a trace; I’ll teach you
to do the same to a computer system. Show me how to make false identification
papers, I’ll help you with your Tae Kwon Do. I joined a militia group for
a while and learned firsthand about munitions, explosives, and covert operations.
I tipped the FBI after I left that bunch; they were truly dangerous. To
this day four Domestic Terrorism agents all think one of the others sent
the message.
I had spent three years underground, gathering knowledge
and contacts and scraps of intelligence about the Centre. I knew that the
odds were against me in this, and I needed to wait until I was ready before
beginning my personal war.
Then I got the message that changed everything.
“Emmy—Explosion faked. Jarod alive. Meet me in fifth
grade.”
I was on the next plane to Boston, to meet my mother at
the playground of Anne Bradstreet Elementary School, where I had attended
fourth and fifth grade.
I caught just a glimpse of him through the window of the
cab. I remember thinking that Mom was right to say I look like him, when
his joyful smile crumpled into horror as he saw our doom racing with screeching
tires down the streets of Boston. The cabbie was a friend of mine, or we
never would have made it out of there. As I pressed against the back window,
watching through my tears as my big brother fled for his life, I realized
with a flash of joy that it wasn’t too late to keep my last promise to
Daddy. There was still one swan to save.
From my battered attaché I take a worn scrapbook,
turning over the pieces of my family that I've unearthed over the years
since a view from a cab gave my life new hope and purpose. Yellowed newspaper
clippings, all speaking of a mysterious hero who saves lives and reunites
families. A precious few have pictures. I linger over one, Jarod in firefighting
gear. He had just saved the life of a child. I trace his face with a fingertip,
staring into his deep sad eyes.
My eyes.
I sigh and stretch and put the album away. He is looking
for me, and I am looking for him. One day we will find each other.
And when we do, all hell will break lose in Blue Cove.
END (01/01)
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